my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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