he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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