i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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