I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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