is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
