ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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