i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
