It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
