grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
