I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i think i just lost a toe
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