I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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