Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
