So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
