So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
