Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
