if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
