it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
