Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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