Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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