just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
