Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
