All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
