did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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