We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
