You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
