Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
