other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
