3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
