first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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