He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ttyl tear gas
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
