I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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