i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk is not a location!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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