If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
