I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
