Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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