They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
