My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
worst night to have a conscience
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
