so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We left the knife in your bed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
