His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
