if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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