They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
