It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
