someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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