wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
