I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
