I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize