She announced her abortion via fbk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
