i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
