2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
