i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Someone shit on the floor
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
