ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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