sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
